the chaos that is my life.

Summer Vacation

rhodesn — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 16:13:17 +0000

Having the most enjoyable vacation I think I have ever had. Here is what has happened so far.

-Fabulous cocktails

-Dancing

-Great friends time

-The sweetest guy

-Waking up feeling amazing

-Waffles : )

Saturday Mornings

rhodesn — Sat, 09 May 2009 21:54:26 +0000

Today has been a very productive day. It is nearly 3 pm and this is what I have accomplished today.

–

-Went to the Farmers Market

-Bought another pannier bag for my bike

-Got a pound of coffee from the Vibe, a loaf of bread from Great Harvest

-Cleaned my kitchen

-Made lots of lentils for the week and Mac&Cheese for lunch

-Watched an episode of Bones

-Got my hair cut

-Read 4 chapters.

I should think today qualifies as a productive day, no? I have a meeting for my internship today and then I think I might run downtown for some fast food… I love it so. And it is such a quick trip on my bicycle, which I am in love with. It is strange, I have biked everywhere in the last two days. It is so much fun… except for the small crash I had already. Haha.. my shoelace got stuck in the gears and I went flying. It was very slow motion-like. Now I have a huge bruise on my shin. Ouchies.

Well, I think that is all for now.

TTFN!

Kobukuro

rhodesn — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:10:29 +0000

So when I was in Japan I had the chance to see the artist Kobukuro preform their song, Tsubomi. It won the equivalent of song of the year. It is a very emotional song about his mom having cancer and dying. It is truly a work of art. Even if you don’t speak Japanese the words will touch your soul.

I listen to it and my eyes start to tear up almost instantly. Have a listen. Literally translated, the song means Flower bud.

Returning

rhodesn — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 05:48:08 +0000

So I have been at one of my favorite coffee shops for about an hour now. It was crowded so I joined a guy’s table who was studying alone. He is cute, of course, so it was of course an enjoyable table-sharing experience. He left and then about 20 seconds later came back in because he left his glass on the table. He looked at me in the eyes, very nice eyes he has, and then put his glass in the bus bin. Oh how the mens torment me.

On another note, I had a good 30 minute conversation with my mother tonight. Oh what an experience it is talking to my parents. Why I answer the phone is beyond me. I have had a few drinks tonight and some wine. Well, it was an interesting phone call… I smoked 4 cigarettes while on the line with her.

Just one week more and I can shut down for a few days. Thank the gods or whatever.

Thinking space

rhodesn — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 04:20:42 +0000

I think a lot these days. Not about too many things, but a lot. I feel like I hit this very Interesting block in my life. I guess this is why I have felt so estranged this year.

I am not an easy person to be friends with. I know this. So, what do I do about it? Do I change myself and how I think, act, feel? I don’t know. I’ve spent entire nights walking around Corvallis. You would be surprised how much activity there is at 330 in the morning on Wednesdays. Lol, I suppose it gives me an interesting perspective on what my place is in this small little city. Will I ever rise to the occasion and acheive a state of meaning?

I have and probably always will put on a fasade of who I am. I was better at it before… Or perhaps I’ve just become more aware in the last year. I can close my eyes and see myself in Tokyo or ciudad juarez… Velle hermosa… Texas… Vancuver. Places that hold parts of me.

I was a musician. Music lived in me and set the tempo of my life. Today, in this moment, music isn’t with me. I can’t feel the rhythm anymore. Sometimes I hold my wrist or put my hand on my chest to feel it beat; I’m comforted. I don’t know why, but I crave human contact right now. The absent feeling that sleep gives me is incredibly deep.

Was Tony good for me? Yes, I think so. I learned a lot about myself. I miss him. I still feel like we didn’t get to know each other l… But… 6 months of pressence is impacting.

I sit in the cold, downtown waiting for a friend who is well over an hour late. Why am I still here waiting? I think I’m afraid to lose anyone else or destroy any more bridges.

Time to go.

The Vibe

rhodesn — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 19:12:15 +0000

So I am at the newest café to hit Corvallis, The Vibe. Apparently it is ran by some very cool people. It serves Stumptown Coffee and is kinda fun. Free wifi, four computers to use for a moderate fee, wonderfully comfortable couches, moveable laptop tables, brightly colored walls, vegan/vegetarian food. Deliciousness really.

I like it. Shame that it is all the way downtown on 4th street. Sad panda day. It only took me five minutes to get here using the bus. I may make this a usual saturday morning thing. Who knows.

~Ciao~

Writing from:

The Vibe

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Water damages

rhodesn — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 21:41:32 +0000

Water is an interested thing. It is essential for life, it is refreshing, and it is also the cause of many headaches. This morning I woke up and stepped into a puddle… right next to my bed. At first I was very confused and looked to see if I had spilt my water glass or if Kevin had spilt something.

Water was still in both glasses. I continued to explore and found that the my hot water closet was completely flooded and the water was seeping out in about a 2 meter radius from the closet. This is the second time an apartment has flooded on me.

Sigh, it turns out that my neighbors upstairs had the leak. It traveled from their water heater, to my apartment, to my downstairs neighbor’s apartment. Talk about a wonderful way to start a Sunday morning.

So now I have a unique opportunity to rearrange my room… perhaps get rid of a hundred books or so.

Teehee,

sigh

Wonderings

rhodesn — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 23:15:06 +0000

“A hermit lives on the outskirts (of town) in a one room shack. He eats mostly fried potatoes. He spends hours looking at old faded photos. He has not spoken to anyone in years. Passing children often taunt him with songs and jokes.”
The Triggering Town

-Richard Hugo

I read this in one of the books assigned for my poetry course. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced suffering to a level which would keep me from talking. Make me feel blessed. This passage brought out strong emotions in me.

Mea Culpa

rhodesn — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:34:40 +0000

My latest poem. Finished, I think.

Dear Betrayed.

The scene isn’t the same since that vicious
indelible sin; red wine on beige carpet.
It upturned our textbook case of togetherness.
I told you the morning after, “I slept with them.”

It was a Wednesday, clouds, rain, stay inside weather.
I was pacing, my stomach clenched, you said nothing.
You turned off the tap, put the sponge down, retreated.
My shame swept the room like laughs at a wake.

The thumping in my ears started to crescendo,
a headache, weakness, trembling legs and hands.
My confession had been completed. I failed you.
There wasn’t a word, phrase, apology, statement…
Nothing from my voice you’d ever trust again.

I remember your muted temperament,
your humiliation, ubiquitous on your face.
Dark brown eyebrows sagging. Eyes covered with mist.
I saw your lips, a frenzy, quivering.
My breathing stalled. I tempted a whisper. Nothing.

Was it I to ruin something so flawless?
My fanaticism for you was interminable.
What you don’t know, is that they told me.
I had learned of your own trespasses. Treachery.

I sat on the davenport, wondering, “Maybe.”
Maybe you would end the artificiality
that had assimilated our bond, our words.
You never said anything, I didn’t know how.

I couldn’t shape the sounds. My zeal silenced.
Mea Culpa my darling, mea culpa…

—-

Let me know what you think of it?

The misty fog returns

rhodesn — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:59:37 +0000

I feel like the world has returned to some version of normalcy. The sky is gray, the mist is everywhere, my bones feel chilled to their core.

Life is good. I think.